


Collateral Damage

by Mistress_of_Squirrels



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 14:37:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8450215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistress_of_Squirrels/pseuds/Mistress_of_Squirrels
Summary: Ying returns from the Institute and makes a decision that just might break her.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [likegoodangels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/likegoodangels/gifts).



> November entry for [likegoodangels ](http://likegoodangels.tumblr.com/promptcontests) image prompt tumblr contest

 

**  
** Dry leaves and twigs crunched beneath her boots as Ying walked aimlessly through the woods outside of Sanctuary. Weak streams of sunlight filtered through the thin trees, casting muted patterns on the ground and lending a soft glow to the reds and golds of turning leaves. It wasn’t quite the autumnal display she remembered from before the bombs, but it was pretty in its own right. Or it would be, if the changing season didn’t also serve as a subtle reminder that time marched on, no matter how much it felt like the world had stopped. **  
**

The narrow game trail she’d been unconsciously following met an abrupt end at the base of a hill, and Ying’s gaze turned bitter as she realized what waited at the top. It made a grim kind of sense that she would find herself back here. In a way, she’d come full circle. It all started with the vault; she just hadn’t known until recently that it ended there, too, long before she’d ever woke beneath the ground.

_“It’s me. I am Shaun. I am…your son.”_

She’d been expecting a little boy, had spent months preparing herself for the fact that an entire decade had vanished in the blink of an eye after they took her son from the vault. It hadn’t been so bad, once she got used to the idea. It wasn’t like an infant was actually going to remember her, and she’d been shit at the whole baby thing, anyway. At least this way, she probably didn’t have to worry about fucking the kid up.

When Ying saw him for the first time, she’d _known_ , even before he spoke the words that silenced the panicked cries of the child in the cell. That child, the boy she’d tracked across the Commonwealth and beyond, had never been hers. He made a convincing copy, when she wasn’t standing in front of the real thing. The boy looked like her, and maybe once, so had the man, but now, even with the deep lines marring his face and the silver dusting his hair, all she could see was Nate.

The Institute had stolen far more than a decade.

Sixty years. More than half a century had passed while she was suspended in time, long enough for entire generations to live and die in the world she’d woken to. The true horror wasn’t even that it had been so much longer, it was that she’d still be there, trapped in that frozen void, were it not for Father.

The son she’d risked everything to find hadn’t released her out of love or even a sense of familial obligation. No, he’d simply been curious. She was nothing more than a mouse he’d dropped into a maze, just to see how cleverly she might navigate the obstacles he threw in her path. It hurt, but Ying didn’t know if it was the disappointment she’d met after finding her son, or the final severing of the last ties to all she’d known that hurt more.

Turning away from the hill, Ying sat on a fallen log, the scent of damp earth rising up around her as she scuffed the toe of her boot through the fallen leaves. She crammed her hands in her pockets, shoulders hunched against the chill in the air. Leaving Sanctuary without her jacket wasn’t the brightest idea, but she’d rather freeze than go back now and face what was sure to come.

There were questions; she was the first person anyone had heard of to not only make it inside the Institute, but _come back_. Of course they all had questions, and she couldn’t hold that against them. For all that the Institute had done to her, she’d never lived beneath its specter the way they had. She had answers that most people would never get about their missing loved ones, and she was more than willing to share all that she knew. Just not right now, when the knowledge that her son was the one behind all that pain and fear was still so fresh.

The angle of the sun told her she’d been gone a little over an hour when she realized she was no longer alone. The snapping of a twig, too loud to be anything but deliberate, reached her ears, pulling her from her thoughts. The faded red of his coat blended well with the colors of autumn, but even when he was trying, Hancock was shit at sneaking, and he wasn’t trying now.

Ying waved a hand to get his attention and moved to make room for him on the log, a silent signal that the ghoul was welcome to join her, if he chose, but she wasn’t going to leave until she was good and ready.

Hancock sat down beside her, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the tops of his knees. He was quiet for a while, black eyes unfocused as he stared off in the distance. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and rough.

“Spent three days wonderin’ if I’d ever see you again. Then, you come back, and before I can wrap my head around that, you’re gone.”

Ying stiffened at that, immediately defensive. It felt like an accusation, however gentle, and the little gnawing pang of guilt his words dredged up probably meant she’d earned it.

She hadn’t meant to make him worry, but the truth was, she hadn’t given much thought to anyone since the transponder was complete. They’d had one shot, and even if there had been a way to test it without her standing on the platform, Ying would have just considered it a waste of time. Nothing would have stopped her, not when she’d been so close to getting the answers she’d spent the better part of a year chasing.

But she’d gotten her answers, more than she’d ever wanted to know, and all she could think of was getting away. Hancock couldn’t know any of that, of course, because she hadn’t bothered to tell him, but now that she’d taken a look from his side, she knew she wouldn’t have been quite so patient. Three days of not knowing would have driven her mad. A disappearing act after that…to say it would hurt was an understatement.

It wasn’t that she didn’t care. She did, so much she didn’t know how to handle it at times. But when the world hurt too much to bear, her first instinct was still to shut it - and the people in it- out. She didn’t fuck up as much as she had in the beginning, but letting someone in, even someone she loved, took a conscious effort she didn’t always think about.

Ying sighed, the last of her resistance leaving her in a quiet rush of breath. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to…what I meant doesn’t matter. I’m sorry.”

A gust of wind caught her unaware and she couldn’t hold back a slight shiver that was only partly because of the cold. Hancock shrugged out of his coat, snaking an arm around her waist to pull her closer so he could drape the tattered garment over them both. Ying huddled against his warmth and laid her head on his shoulder. “I’m trying, John,” she said quietly, her face buried against the linen of his shirt. “I know I keep asking for more time, but I’m trying.”

Hancock chuckled against her hair before she felt the slight pressure of his lips. “I got nothin’ but time, love. Take all you need. Besides, I’d like to think by now I’ve got a good idea of what to expect. I’d be a little worried if you changed things up all the sudden.”

Ying peered up at the ghoul, black brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you did just come back from the Institute.” Despite his grin, his eyes were shadowed. The Institute sending back its own version of her had been a very real concern for the ghoul.

“I don’t think that’s something we have to worry about just yet.” _Wouldn’t want to skew the experiment._

“Yet? Ain’t exactly makin’ me feel better here, doll.”

“Just…trust me. I-” Biting her lip, Ying hesitated as she tried to gather her thoughts. After a moment she realized how futile that was and decided to just plunge in head first. “I found him,” she blurted. “Shaun.”

“Yeah?” Caution had replaced any of the hope his voice used to hold whenever they’d talked about her son. Everyone knew that she’d returned alone.

“Yeah,” Ying gave a slow nod. “I’ve been chasing a ghost, John. If the real Shaun needed rescued, it was long before I came out of the vault. He isn’t even a kid, anymore.”

“You’re not makin’ any sense, Ying. You saw him.”

“I saw him through Kellogg,” she corrected with a shake of her head. “And after meeting the real thing, I have a feeling I only saw what he wanted me to see. The kid is a synth. My…the real Shaun is sixty years old.” Ying shrugged and let out a bitter chuckle. “I guess a lot more time passed than I thought.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Fuck, doll. I’m sorry.  _Christ_.”

“There’s more,” Ying said quietly, picking at the frayed seam on the leg of her jeans. Hancock took her hand and she laced her fingers through his, drawing a deep breath, but the words wouldn’t come.

_There’s no way to ease someone into finding out that your kid is the monster that keeps them awake at night. Just spit it out already._

“He’s their leader, Hancock. Shaun isn’t just with the Institute, he’s - he’s in charge of it. Everything they’ve done, all the people they’ve hurt…”

“Hey, look at me, doll,” Hancock coaxed, cupping her cheek. When Ying’s watery gaze met his, he shook his head. “None of that shit’s on you.”

“No, I know that. I just… _fuck_.”

Ying closed her eyes, but was too late to stop a few tears from escaping. She’d made a lot of mistakes in her life, but having Shaun was one of the few instances where she’d had no regrets. She’d been terrified the day she found out she was pregnant, and up until he’d been taken from Nate’s arms, she’d still felt like she had no idea what she was doing, but she’d never once regretted him. He’d taught her what it was to love, purely, unconditionally, and she loved him still, even as her hopes and dreams for him withered and died.

Ying sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I never should have had a kid. Some people just shouldn’t, you know? I wasn’t stupid enough to think that was ever heading anywhere good, but I’d hoped. I was _trying_.”

“You did more than try, doll,” Hancock pointed out. “You went into the Institute. I’m not sure you realize what a big deal that is. No one’s been able to pull off what you have to get that kid back.”

“For all the good it did.” Ying sighed, rubbing her hands over her face to remove any lingering tear tracks. “I guess we should head back. Des will want to know what I found.”

Hancock’s face darkened at the mention of the Railroad leader. “You know what she wants.”

Ying nodded. “Yeah, but she’s right. The Institute has to be stopped.”

“It ain’t gotta be you doin; the stoppin’, doll. No one’s got the right to expect that from you. I don’t care who he is, this ain’t your mess to fix.”

With a sad smile, Ying shook her head. “Maybe not, but I’m the only that can, John. I’ve got a way in that no one else does, and he trusts me. Shaun… _Father_ … doesn’t see the synths as people. He barely thinks everyone up here qualifies, and he doesn’t believe they’re worth saving. I don’t think he ever will. You know what that kind of shit leads to; you’ve seen it. I’m not going to claim some moral high ground here, but this isn’t something I can walk away from.”

Hancock was quiet, black eyes searching her face. He must have found whatever he was looking for because his shoulders slumped and he looked away. “Yeah, but what’s it gonna cost you, Ying?”

_Not much. Just a piece of her heart…_

People up here were starving, sick and dying, while the Institute horded the means to help them. It was too late to save Shaun. He’d been lost to her the moment they got their hands on him, but it wasn’t too late for the Commonwealth. Not yet. Wasn’t that worth any price?

She thought about the synths she knew, friends and comrades like Glory and Nick, the ones like H2 that just wanted to live free and unafraid. She thought of brother turning against brother, like she’d seen in Diamond City, and the members of the Watch in Goodneighbor that had been forced to kill an infiltrator wearing the face of a friend. Last, she thought of Shaun’s callous response to his father’s murder.

_Collateral damage._

Nate had loved Shaun with everything in him, and for one brief moment, Ying was grateful he’d been spared the knowledge of what his son had become, or what she was going to do. Would he hate her? Expect her to stand by their son no matter what? Would he understand that it was possible to both love someone and hate all that they stood for?

_I’m so sorry, Nate._

Not for the first time, Ying wondered what might have happened if she’d been the one holding Shaun in the vault.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said at last, and if Hancock noticed that her response wasn’t quite directed at him, he didn’t say anything. “I can’t…John, I _can’t_.”

Hancock wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head beneath his chin and letting out a heavy sigh. “I know, doll.”

Her relief swept over her like a wave. She hadn’t realized how much it meant to hear the words aloud. Someone who cared about more than getting rid of the Institute understood. Ying wouldn’t argue that there weren’t other options, but it was the only one she could take. If it had to happen, she couldn’t leave it up to anyone else; she owed Shaun that much. It had to be her.


End file.
